Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
