she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
