i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
