Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
