saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
