im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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