I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
