I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
