You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
