i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Is it penis luge time yet?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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