All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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