So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
