very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
