he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
