my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
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