Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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