Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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