I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
