It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
