Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
