I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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