If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
wow bdsm is so cute
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