Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
