Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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