Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
