dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
