Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize