get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Can you bring me the toilet please
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
