watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
