'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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