Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
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im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
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Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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