piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
