I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Alive.
So much puke
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My vagina is very pro this idea
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
