I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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