I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
