My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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