Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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