I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
