my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it glows. i had to have it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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