Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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