I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
