Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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