I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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