in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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