I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
