note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
