I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
