You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
