Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
