His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
