we have pet lesbian snakes
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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