He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
