I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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