i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
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So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
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Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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