My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
