I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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