Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
