My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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