Are we in a gay sports bar?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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