Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
