I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
