sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
