And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
