just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
