I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
