do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
