Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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