1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You made out with two different species that night
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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