I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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