I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
