Kiss
Puke
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
