Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do vagina's smell?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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