The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
are you still at the devil's house?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Can you bring me the toilet please
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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