Do you still have your period?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
