It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
