then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
