bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
